


Seven

by somethingintheireyes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, MAJOR CHAPTER 85 SPOILERS, Mental Breakdown, Mourning, Other, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, this was so painful to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 15:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8019538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingintheireyes/pseuds/somethingintheireyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The remaining scouts return back from their latest mission, Levi being more affected than normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seven

**Author's Note:**

> So, I didn't really know what to put as relationship? Because this was just more of me wanting to rip my soul into pieces and imagine Levi having a breakdown after the death of Erwin, and Hange being there to comfort him.

It was late, the sun had long since set, when the troops arrived back to their camp. No one spoke on the way there, everyone was exhausted, physically and mentally.

 

The group stepped onto the campground, looking among all the structures that were there to house them. It was almost as if the buildings were mocking them, so many of them, and only nine scouts returning.

 

Connie and Jean took Sasha into one of the houses, to look after her wounds. Hange took the horses and the things they collected from the basement to the stables.

 

Armin, Mikasa, and Eren were talking lowly to each other. Levi noticed Eren’s mother’s shoe gripped in his fist. His own fist tightened and shook involuntarily. Eren looked up and locked eyes with Levi, who tore his gaze away, walking into the small shelter he had called his home.

 

He walked over to the desk, pulling out a drawer. Inside the drawer, was a small worn box. With shaky hands, he pulled out the box and opened it. Inside were six patches torn from scout jackets. He lifted his clenched fist in front of him, opening it up slowly, revealing a seventh. He un-wrinkled it, and clutched it with both hands.

 

He stared at it, rubbing his thumbs over the stitching carefully. It was dirt and blood stained, some of the thread unravelling in places. The symbol angering him suddenly. _Wings of Freedom,_ he scoffed. There was nothing freeing about this life. It was heavy, it was gruesome, and it was fatal. It most certainly was not ‘free’.

 

Levi looked from the one his hand, to the others in the box.

 

Seven.

 

What an insignificant number compared to the amount of soldiers that had actually died. He was selfish. These soldiers had families that they cared about more than they cared about him. So why did he think he could keep them? His personal feelings refused to give them up. He chuckled emotionlessly at his thoughts. His personal feelings had sure done a lot. His personal feelings cost the scouts their commander, had cost humanity their beacon of hope. No, that was wrong. Their beacon of hope was technically Eren, and the information they had acquired from the basement. _He_ had lost _his_ beacon of hope. He had lost the man that he had given himself over to, since the death of the two people he considered family. He had lost his squad. He had lost the majority of the scouts.

 

He supposed it was just right though. It was what he deserved for pushing everyone away. It was what he deserved for giving humanity false hope. _Humanities Strongest._ He cursed the name. They saw him as some kind of idol. He was no where near that. He was physically strong, no titan stood a chance to him. Emotionally, now that was a different story. He was rude, he was callous, he was blunt and cold. He rarely smiled, and instilled fear in his comrades. He was intimidating and dismissive. Not the type of person that should be looked up to.

So why, why was he the one to survive? Why was he the one to make the decision? Why was this left up to him, the most unsuitable person for this position. Had Erwin known that he would’ve made a rash decision, going on _person feelings_ rather than what might’ve been better for humanity. He wasn’t downplaying Armin’s capabilities. He knew the boy had more to offer, it was just hidden, frozen from growing because of the self-doubt that lurked within him. But, he wasn’t Erwin. He didn’t have the same power he did, the same unwavering hope that he did.

 

So again, why? Why him? His hands started shaking again, the guilt of his decision and the loss of yet another starting to become overwhelming.

 

“Don’t let anyone make you regret this decision.” Is what he told Armin. He laughed at the irony. No, Levi didn’t regret the decision. Erwin would have wanted someone with as much potential as Armin did to live on in his place. He knew that this would unfold in their favor, because it was what Erwin wanted. Erwin was sure of the boy’s abilities, so in turn, Levi was as well.

 

The patch started to get blurry, his vision wavering and his eyes filling with tears. He tried to blink them away, but more just came in their place. It was like something inside of him was breaking. A wall he had put up was cracking, and every emotion he had hidden away were threatening to break out.

 

His eyes continued to release hot tears down his cheeks, as suddenly his resolve broke. He saw everyone’s faces. He heard Isabel and Farlan telling him that they believe in him, seeing their smiling faces. Those faces were then distorted into the mangled messes the titans had left behind. It then switched to the faces of his squad members laughing together, and him remembering their complete trust in him. He was then flipped to images of their corpses throughout the forest. Finally, his mind stopped on the day he decided he’d fully entrust his life to Erwin, then the last image he had of him, laid out on a bed, cloak draped over his lifeless body, flowers on the table next to him.

 

Levi collapsed to the floor, letting out a strangled sob, clutching the patch to his chest. He let out every pent up emotion and truly and fully cried for the first time in years.

 

He felt a warmth on his head, but was too caught up in his emotions to be startled or ashamed. He looked up to see Hange kneeling on the floor next to him, hand on his head, glasses pushed up in her hair, and tears in her eyes.

 

She tentatively pulled him closer, and Levi did something he thought he’d never do. He let himself be pulled into her lap as she cradled him close, her own tears falling down her face. He didn’t know why he let her do that, probably because he knew she was feeling something similar to him. She was the one that made sure to voice her disapproval with the situation. He knew that she needed to be comforted as well. So, they sat there, mourning the loss of their beloved commander together.

**Author's Note:**

> GOD THIS WAS SO PAINFUL IM SO SORRY YOU GUYS


End file.
